The life of a care giver for a stroke survivor

[Hope for Stroke]

The life of a care giver, can be, at times more than one ever bargained for. It can be a lonely, tiresome and some times unappreciated or misunderstood role. Please feel free to post your story, hope and trials for others who come to this haven.

[Corey Zwerling]

Hi. My name is Corey Zwerling. My fiancee suffered a stroke in September 2005 at the age of 21 and now has aphasia. While I try to do everything I can to help her, there is no way for me to truly know what she is going through, and that upsets me. It is extremely difficult to be told that there is nothing I can do to make things better. Us caregivers would give anything in the world to be able to make everything better, and it is very hard to be told that we can't.

It is a very emotionally taxing situation, but we are sure to focus on the positives of our lives. We will be getting married next year, and the planning of the wedding and honeymoon has given us something positive to focus on. In my experience, the most important thing a caregiver can do is to be the rock that is needed!

[Don]

Well Corey they are wrong sure you cant do much to improve the Physical shortcomings but Speaking as one who has been blessed with a wife who loves me no matter what I can say that the fact she does has given me the strength to go on as My mind still worked when I awoke from my coma and even though I couldnt talk I knew she was there for me and it makes all the difference in the world trust me on this one. I think if we had had an easy life when we first married things would be different but we have overcome stuff in the past and will continue to do so, this is what love is about and by caring you will be blessed I do believe this. In fact the wife likes the new me much better as she no longer has to wonder where I am at?

[Hope for Stroke]

Hi Linda, You are probably right, it is tougher on you than your loved one Gordon. It is also heart warming that you are still with Gordon and love him. I hope that you have a support system of friends and family to reach out to you, All too often they disappear, not to be found. Our best to you and Gordon. Does Gordon have receptive or expressive aphasia or a little of both? Stay in touch Linda and thank you for being a good care giver. Sometimes love needs no words, it is conveyed by a smile and even a laugh. Peter V Cornelis

[jerry eckelberry]

your housband is one luckey man to have you

[Laurie]

Linda, What powerful words you wrote, it really moved me. My name is Laurie Roberts and my husband Spencer had a massive stroke in September of 07 left side and right side on our anniversary in June of 07. He has severe Aphasia as well and cannot tell me how he feels. I know how I feel. My husband is only 35 and we have 2 boys, ages 7 and 5. I still haven't learned to cope and still cry everyday. I did figure out today on my very own that there will be some improvement, but that I have to be patient. Thanks for letting me in on a piece of your life. Hope you will respond
Laurie

[Katie]

It is very comforting to read all of these posts. I, too love my husband & want to do the best I can for him. Lately he has been very negative & i hate to admit it, but I'm losing my patience. He is doing relatively well, but is coming to terms on the strength & stamina he has lost. Thank you for sharing your stories & helping me peek at how others deal with a similar situation.

[Corey Zwerling]

Katie, I know exactly how you feel. When you begin to feel impatient, try to take a step back, take a few deep breaths, and remind yourself exactly what happened to your husband (ya know - put yourself in his shoes). When I begin to get frustrated, I just try to think how my fiancee feels and take a few deep breaths to calm myself down. I think that this forum will definitely help me/us vent our frustrations a bit though, so they don't stay bottled up. The negativity can be extremely frustrating, and I find myself getting annoyed about it at times, so don't feel bad when you feel that way - it's natural.

Remember, just as we don't truly know what our loved ones are going through, nobody (including those who we are caregivers for) knows just how stressful and difficult it is for us. Nobody truly knows what we are going through either.

[Katie]

Corey,
I tried responding to you yesterday, but for some reason it didn't go through. Thank You for the kind words & sympathetic ear.
Gratefully my husband saw a mental health counselor yesterday & it went well. It has given me renewed hope. Wishing the same for all of you out there. . .

[Katie]

thanks so much for writing today. you don't know how much it means to me. i am on my way to my sister's for a long awaited 'break'. i feel guilty @ leaving my husband, but everyone has been urging me to go from family to counselors, a 'tough love' approach. my husband used to call me his goddess , but now i am his biggest aggravator, irritator. i can't do anything right in his eyes. i wish he could see i am doing my best, to do whats right for him. i know while i'm away, alls i'll do is worry about him, but it's gotten to the point of him treating me with severe verbal abuse. i know he is frustrated, but relatively speaking he is doing physically ok even though he has no feeling on his left (dominant) side. thanks for writing. . . katie best wishes & thoughts to you & your husband.

[Don]

This is why support groups are so important as you need to speak with others who are in your shoes as my wife never really understood until I was visited by another Brain Aneurysm survivor who was a woman and was able to tell my wife some things in a womans language her visit to our home was a blessing as my wife had no idea and thought I may be bluffing?

[Don]

Yeah its the pits being on the receiving end so glad those days are over for me as it is not a pleasant experience, I still cant wash my feet though and hopefully will soon have a shower stall with a seat in it. I was not an easy person to live with able bodied but once I became dependent it was worse and my wife finally became aware of all I used to do that she took for granted and was not aware of? Im pretty sure everybody goes through this I now have weeds growing in the expansion joints of my sidewalk and drive? My friend is in Oz also. Do try to meet up if possible.

[Don]

Far from everything, on the Island of Lanai in Hawaii, at the time of my demise we only has one Dr. on island the only thing you can do here is die everything else requires a Medi-Vac? But the tranquil beauty of the place is a must for people like me, no crowds no traffic just me the wife and my animals, works for me, others might not be so inclined. My wife has discovered she enjoys mowing the lawn? LOL