Melanie da Silva's Page

I had a hemorrhagic stroke in April 2007 at the age of 49. It affected the left thalmic region of my brain. I initially was paralyzed on the right side of my body-head to toe-but have since gained the ability to walk and use my right arm and hand. I developed post stroke pain syndrome several months later. It is a constant burning, throbbing ache from head to toe. It seems to get worse with stress or if I am tired. I have a constant weakness on my right side, arm, hand leg, foot. Sometimes I feel like my mouth is full of cotton, like I cant control my tongue or speech. I have had a lot of anger about this stroke. And I feel emotionally disconnected from everything, everyone. I have returned to work and I look "normal". But I dont feel normal. I miss me. I have anxiety, fear, dont trust anyone. I feel like I wont live long. I have no hope or expectation for the future. I have been to counselors, pastors, neurologists, etc......I walk away feeling like they really dont understand. The only medication that I am taking is Elavil, at night. It helps a little with the pain. But I am so tired of waking up every day and my body reminding me that I have had a stroke. I cant imagine living another 20-30 years with this pain, weakness, lack of motivation, lack of interest in anything.......can anyone relate to what I am saying? I was not like this before the stroke. I was outgoing, optimistic, energetic.